Aboriginal, Anishinaabe nini, Awareness, Collective, Indigenous Issues, Love, Native, NDN, poem, Poetic Justice, poetry, Sahaja Yoga, Self care, Uncategorized, Wellbeing, women, Writing

Dear NDN Nini

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You with the brown skin and brown hair. I see you walking this journey, working on trying to be a better man. Anishinaabe Kwewag are counting on you, for your Respect, Love, Honesty, Wisdom, Bravery, Truth and Humility.

These days it seems you have forgotten us. Leaving us to do the work of protecting the sacred. We need your Strength to carry on. We walk in balance but get push off every once in a while by your harsh words and non-compassion. The world has hardened you and we feel it. Our ancestors feel it. You come and go like the winds of seasons change.

When are you going to heal? Your kin, partners and friends are counting on each and every one of you. 1000s ancestors before you have made the same mistakes, it is up to you to heal for your descendants. One day you to will be an ancestor to your relations. If you don’t do the work in this life you will have to do in spirit.

We already have been born with the world against us, just by being NDN. You are worth more than you could ever imagine. We are the First Peoples! Stand proud! Don’t let the temptations of life destroy you. You don’t have to be perfect or live up to anyone’s expectations, and when you fall get back up and go harder. It’s okay to have fun and enjoy life. But seek that balance to be a niishin Anishinaabe Nini.

If you are in a relationship, treat her with the 7 grandfathers and she will push to do better herself. We need each other, whether it be family, friend or partner. Of all the sacred bundles we carry there is none more sacred than Love. The relationship between 2 people is euphoric when it is in its purest form. Love doesn’t mean attachment or co dependance. It means to uplift each other and help each other grow mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually.

Dear NDN man you are enough, respected and cherished. Don’t let the world make you bitter! Find your strength, it’s in you DNA. You matter!

Gaazawin,

NDN Kwewag

 

 

 

 

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Aboriginal, Awareness, Collective, Indigenous Issues, Love, Meditation, Native, poem, Poetic Justice, poetry, Uncategorized

Take me Away

As the sun begins to fade, the waves bounce off the rocks and glide over the sand. Water can be as gentle as a summer’s breeze or hard as a mountain top. Water can make or destroy life; powerful unlike anything other.

As I sit on a rock by the water’s edge I am reminded how beautiful it is to be alive. Water is everything. Without her we are nothing. She is the glue that binds our atoms together. She is energy, she is the one thing we can’t live without.

When the world turns cold she becomes hardened and unbreakable. When she gets heated she is what cools us. We drink her; nourishment in the simplest form. How can we ever take her for granted? She will still be here long after we are gone.

When I am close to her she opens my heart and mind. I offer her tobacco and pray to Creator and her. The greatest gift from Creator is tobacco we should honour that gift to creator everyday.

Thoughts enter my mind. All my insecurities and self doubt arise. I hold my sema in my left hand close to my heart. I don’t have to speak Creator already knows our troubles and doubts. I just give thanks for the blessings and the lesson that unfold while on my journey down the Red Road. I never ask why I just accept what is and leave it in Creator’s  hands, he knows whats best for all of us. I leave what no longer serves purpose with the water and she takes it away.

I have many dreams and goals. I work hard to make them happen but, I also know that everything I do is not my doing, it is our Ancestor’s and Creator who guide us. I have faith that they will take me away to higher places. I want to fly as high as the Eagle does, above the clouds close to the stars. I have the vision of an eagle and I see what is inshore for me. The perfect gift Creator has given to Creation is finding high self in simplistic things, and most impotantly never forget to give Creator the greatest gift he gave to us… Sema. He loves to receive the very same gift to from you.

 

 

 

Love, poem, Poetic Justice, poetry, Self care, Self realization, Strength, Uncategorized, women, Writing

Break Free

In love one tends to want to feel loved so much that we forget to love ourselves. Love is the most special place to be when it is in it purest form, it is euphoric.

We burden ourselves with the thought of the things or people we love. We self sabotage our existence. Love is enduring, long after it is gone, there is an imprint that imprisons us. Scars bestowed upon us when love comes to an end. Warriors become hardened from the hurt, and as each relationship unfolds, hearts are broken; we are never the same again.

We fall victim to the thought of loneliness, but we are never alone. A higher Power is always present. Once we realize the true greater power of love; we are not in love we are Love. The chains that bind our hearts and minds become detached.

Be in love with every ounce of yourself, you were created with, for and by love. Love is food to the soul. Feed yourself well and others will want to eat at your table. Taking care of yourself first, then Creator. Once you have mastered this only then can you love others.

Don’t be tied to yesterday, for it is already passed. Neither look to the future because of its uncertainty. Love today and break free…

Awareness, Love, Mental health, poem, Poetic Justice, poetry, Self care, Self realization, Strength, Uncategorized, Wellbeing, Writing

The Losing Battle

No matter how much of a warrior you are or how many battles you have won, there will be some that you lose. You don’t have to be a soldier to have to go to war. Sometimes that war is within.

It’s easy to fight for something you want, its not so easy to keep it. There are outside influences that can disrupt your whole being. These are losing battles. No matter how much you try to win, the loss or sacrifice is always greater.

Some people or things are not worth fighting for, you have to recognise this otherwise you will be constantly at war with them and with yourself.

When you truly live in a state of self love it is difficult to allow people to bring negativity into your being. Self love requires discipline. Discipline to not accept anyone or anything that doesn’t bring joy to your life. This can leave you with the feeling that this is a losing battle, because you may really want to be a good person to everyone, but sometimes its just not worth the effort.

In order to be great you have to do great things. Leave the rest that jeopardizes your greatness. When you are in your greatness people will gravitate towards you, simply because that is what they want for themselves. Its a beautiful place to be when you surround yourself with greatness and great people. This space is so inspiring and you should be grateful to have such comfort in you life.

I am not saying to cut everyone out of your life that doesn’t bring you peace, just know how to pick and choose your battles. Sometimes it is necessary for you to battle for people who are not strong yet, and need your strength to get them to the next level. Although, helping others may feel like a loosing battle, these are the wars worth fighting for. Stepping back and pushing someone from behind to move forward is not a losing battle, its a win! You are wining and they are winning…. We are both wining; everyone gains!

Life will always be challenging and will always bring you discomfort, but, know that in these spaces that you grow emotionally and spiritually. Every time you lose a battle you are becoming more stronger and wiser! You are wining the losing battle…

 

Aboriginal, Awareness, Collective, Love, poem, Poetic Justice, poetry, Self care, Strength, Uncategorized

Strength

Pain is one of our greatest teachers’

no one can know their own demise…

Perhaps we have already lived it

 

Awareness, Love, Mental health, Native, poetry, PTSD, Uncategorized, Wellbeing, women, Writing

Silent She Sits

The morning sun breaks through the darkness of night. She wakens, opens her eyes to a beautiful view of the city line. She walks over to the window and thinks to herself its going to be a beautiful day and thanks the Creator for allowing her to live another day.

The morning goes great she has her coffee and smoke; thinks to herself all the things that she is going to do to change the world. She has big goals and she is chasing her dreams.

She wants to write, many books she says. But there is not enough time in the day. She starts the day with a smudge to clear her mind.

She sits and stares into nothing you would think she is thinking of something but she is not. She is standing still in time, not knowing that the time is passing by.

Silent she sits.

She no longer thinks of the past or at least tries not to, but, something is holding her back. A force that is stronger than any goal or dream she has ever had.

If you ask anyone she is the type of person who makes things happen. She has a fire inside her that is fierce. A heart that shows compassion and when both are at one she moves mountains.

Silent she sits

She moves from not thinking to thinking about a million things at once. Doubt starts to sink in and this is wear all the trouble begins.

All her strength becomes saturated  with fear. She has nothing to fear but herself. She knows this but she is to caught up in her mind to let her heart tell her different.

She becomes withdrawn, spends time alone and never talks about the things that matter. She doesn’t want you to see the pain she feels inside, and it would be highly unlikely she would ever let you close enough to her to know the difference.

There are many sides to her, even herself has not figured them all out quite yet. She has come so far and knows this to be the truth. That fear is not real; it’s just her imagination

Silent she sits.

While all this is going on, the world is passing her by. Her dreams are slipping though her fingers and falling to the floor. Her thoughts have become puddles of tears.

She dries her eyes and pushes on the day. Thinks to herself what has just happened. She just spent the whole morning crying over spilt milk. She screams in silence because silent she sits…

Hoping all this will one day go away.

 

 

 

 

Afterlife, Awareness, Love, Self realization, Uncategorized, Wellbeing, Writing

Dear Papa

I don’t think there is a single man on this Earth that I have loved more than you. You loved me unconditionally. You were the only one who has been there ever since I born.You filled the void that I had while growing up as a child. You are my friend, a role model and a father figure to me. You made growing up without my dad around bearable.

I love to hear stories about you, how you named me at birth, were there for my first steps and treated me as if I was your own daughter. For this Papa there is nothing in this world that I care about more than you.

I remember you teaching me right from wrong, always gave me sound advice, stood up for me and provided truth to some of the harsh realities of choices I had made in life for myself. You never once judged me or put me down. I couldn’t have been more blessed than to have a grandfather more caring than you.

For the past several years you have slowly began to forget little things where you put your glasses, miss placing things, forgetting the date or which day of the week it was. This has gotten worse over the years, to the point that you were unable to care for yourself.

But it got even more worse, by no fault of your own, you began to forget my name, how old I was and that I couldn’t be me because I was too old; you thought I was still a child, your mind wouldn’t let you believe that I had grown into a woman. I let it go knowing it was the disease that was taking control of your thoughts and stealing your memories. Alzheimer’s Disease was slow taking its toll and there was nothing I could do.

About 6 months ago you no longer recognized me at all, had no idea who I was or my name. This absolutely broke my heart. But still nothing I could do to change it. I try to convince myself that this doesn’t bother me, but I am lost without you. I push through the days, keeping busy with life, and cut back on coming to see you just because it was easier to deal with if I didn’t think about you. I know this was wrong but I did it to save my memories of you.

Last week I thought I was going to lose you for good. I prayed and begged for you not to leave me yet. I danced for you, asking Creator to let me have just one more time with you here, that I wasn’t ready to let you go. You gave us all a scare. This made me realize how much I depend on you for my strength even though you don’t have much yourself any more. He answered my prayer. I was able to have another special moment with you.

 

I came to visit you yesterday and the day before. Not much had changed during the first visit, but the visit I had with you in the morning is one that I will never forget. You knew who I was, if only for a brief moment in time, it meant the world to me. Still, there was something more special about this encounter. You had asked me if I had saw that big light we had here the other day? You also told me that you saw dude [a nickname you had called grandma]. You went on to tell me that you tried to talk to her. You began to have a loss of words. The only thing that you could think of to further explain the event was that “kinda like a boss” was there and wouldn’t let you speak to her. This to me sounded as if  you were so close to the other side, the after life, and she was waiting for you, but you decided to come back.

As the tears are falling down my face as I share this story, I am ready to let you go. People may not believe what I writing about today, but I don’t care. I know your spirit was reaching out to me and somehow it has given me closure. I will cherish every moment from now on that I get to spend with you… Although, deep down, I know you will always be with me; watching over me and guiding me though this life. I thank you so much for helping to understand that this disease is not who you really are.

 

 

 

 

Collective, Essay, Mental health, Self realization, Uncategorized, Wellbeing, Writing

A Beautiful Mind

People have been profoundly affected by great works of art. Maybe it was a book, movie, photograph, drawing or painting, a song or musical composition. A movie has had a powerful impact on me. The movie is called A Beautiful Mind. This movie has affected me because even though he suffered from mental illness he was able to triumph in his career. Also how he was able to find peace and love in his life.

A Beautiful mind is based on a true story of John Forbes Nash Jr. John. He was a mathematical genius of the 1950’s, who throughout his life made ground breaking theories that amazed the greatest scholar’s of his time. This movie also tells the story of John’s life long battle with schizophrenia. It tells the tale of his struggle with his mental illness and how he miraculously was able to conquer his disability and win the Noble peace prize in 1994. It also shows the effects his mental illness had on his loved ones. It was clearly challenging and somewhat confusing to John’s wife. Instead of walking away she supported him, helped him overcome his illness by showing him that love is real, not his delusions, they were only imagined. With many years of psychiatric therapy, and loving support from his wife. John was able to return to work at Princeton University and become a well respected professor. This movie has been an inspiration to me.

This movie had a powerful impact on me in more ways than one. I too have suffered from mental illness for many years. Struggled with symptoms, treatments, as well as the isolation that a person with a mental illness experiences. I have also witnessed the effects it has on loved ones. Most importantly, like John I have had to go through therapy to have an understanding of my illness to face the stigma that is associated with being labeled. I have been able to not let my illness define me, and not let it hold me back from being a productive member of society. My illness is different than John’s, its Borderline Personality Disorder. I have had to put my aspirations on hold and take a break to heal. Learn how to cope with symptoms in a healthy way, and to regain the confidence to continue on with my life and family.

John’s wife did not give up on him in spite of all the traumatic experiences she has seen John go through. “I need to know that something extraordinary is possible”. This statement was made by John’s wife when she was just about ready to give up. The love they had for each other had to be stronger in order to conquer his illness. This showed how unconditional love triumphs over any obstacle.

Watching this movie again, after seeing it many years ago I could relate more so to John’s life. How, I too, struggled for quite some time until I was diagnosed in my late 30’s. How the last few years have been hard as well as rewarding, and to see the positive effects therapy has allowed me to progress. The fears I overcame, and how much my loved ones have been there for me. I think the movie was a great work of art not only because of the actors/actresses but because how remarkable John Forbes Nash Jr. was in his life.

Aboriginal, Awareness, Collective, Love, Native, Self care, Self realization, Uncategorized, Wellbeing, women, Writing

Untitled

Since I have been concentrating on bettering myself life hasn’t gotten any easier, but, it has become more significant. There is meaning in a day. Not that time has become more valuable, more so that it has become a means to make the most of my life.

I have  forgotten what it was like to watch the days just pass on by without doing something productive. Now that I have put my efforts into inspiring others to heal; live their life and follow their dreams.

There is great healing for me when I place my head down towards a blank sheet of paper and begin to allow my thoughts to unfold. This is where I feel at most peace. There is a strong connection between my spirit and the creator in this space.

I find many answers to life’s great mysteries; the questions I have about life. My prayers are answered here. When I write I don’t even think about the words, I just let them scatter onto the page, sometimes it doesn’t make sense at the time. But, when I go back later it comes to me like an epiphany.

Creator hears us through our art. Writing is my art. Our prayers are word in the air, but, writing is talking on paper.

What is it that speaks to you? How do you interpret the world? Is there something that you have found that gives you purpose?

Some people have become accustom to living a life without doing the things that bring them joy. Days, weeks, months, years pass by and the only thing they can focus on is how shitty their life has become.

I went through ha bit of writer’s block. I felt as though I had nothing to write. The mundane task of academic writing took away my passion for reading and writing.

Facilitating creative writing has brought me back to me. Who knew that by sharing my gift with others would also help me too.

I also have to accept the writing process. I did not lose my touch, more so, I was in the gestation period of the writing cycle. No guilt or shame has become of this, I continue to share my thoughts and stories.

 

Aboriginal, Awareness, Collective, Indigenous Issues, Love, Mother Earth, Native, Self care, Self realization, Uncategorized, Wellbeing, women, Writing

Back In the Day

I remember the things my Nokimis  and Noshimis use to say and show me as young child. At the time I did not understand what exactly it was they were trying to teach me. It seemed a bit confusing at the time as I was just a young girl. I was sent to live with my Nokimis when I was 8 and in that time I thought I was sent away from my mom because I wasn’t loved, looking back now, I know that wasn’t the case. My mom sent me to live with her because there was things that she couldn’t teach me that knowledge that only our Elders possess, that comes from life experience.

The knowledge you can’t find in books or that is tokenized on-line. My Nokimis always had a gift with words even though English wasn’t her first language. I use to fade away into her voice listening to her life as a child living off the land and knowing only to take what she needed; possessing value of community and that no one went with out. In the times that there wasn’t much the family pulled together and made due with what little they had.

Colonization had her thinking that her ways were the inferior way of living. She was ashamed of being  First Nations and at times would devalue her culture to try to fit in. It was no fault of her own that she felt this way. I know if she were alive today she would be so proud of me reclaiming my identity of an Anishnawbe Kwe. Although, she did not knowingly teaching me the Anishnawbe’s way of life. She made sure that I knew how to make a blanket to keep me warm, how to gut and cook a fish, and always had me following her in the garden.

It was difficult for me living with my aunt and cousins. I was treated rather unkind; not feeling like I belong. I was teased and made to feel shame because I wasn’t with my mom. Because of this my Grandmother was a bit more kinder and paid just a bit more attention to me. Instead of feeding to the fire of jealously from my family, she kept me busy. Back then it felt as though I was always doing chores, she really was teaching me how do keep going no matter what and not to lets others actions or words distract me.

It was hard for all of us growing up (even her), being separated from her siblings, all of them were sent off to residential school. As a child my grandmother had Scarlett fever so she was not sent to school. I am amazed at the strength she had despite all the challenges she had to face. She started having children at 14 years old and didn’t stop until she was 42, and after she raised her own children she was looking after her Grandchildren. When her mother became older she took care of her too. She never got to travel the world, get an education or simply just live life for herself. Everything she did, she did for others to make their live’s just a little bit easier.

This way of life back in the day, the way our Elders lived was simple. The complexity came when they were forced to be separate from the land, language and ways of life. We all need to honour the beauty of our culture as Anishnawbe people and make an effort to bring those ways back. First with ourselves, then, to our communities and beyond. My Grandmother was brought into this world knowing her traditions and when she left, her spirit was sent home in a traditional good way.

I carry her and a thousand ancestors before me in my blood. My life only became more meaningful once I had realized this. Once the healing within myself began I started looking at all the challenges I had as lessons. That, I could only lead as far as I had gone. I have experienced great humility, but I have also, felt most proud of being who I am… An Anishnawbe Kwe.