Aboriginal, Afterlife, Awareness, Collective, Grief, Indigenous Issues, Love, Mental health, NDN, poem, Poetic Justice, poetry, PTSD, Self care, Self realization, Stolen Sisters, Strength, Wellbeing, women

Phyllis performs “Dear Papa,” “Mary Margaret,” “The Losing Battle,” “Has Anyone Ever,” and “Break Free.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gdFV_foLmTE&fbclid=IwAR1EfGrGhozeiS38K7wb-46aqSctu-IVxOfvrTEgkpb0SOCitWA6zG26tt8
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Aboriginal, Awareness, Collective, Love, Mental health, Native, poem, Poetic Justice, poetry, PTSD, Self care, Self realization, Strength, Uncategorized, Wellbeing, women, Writing

Before I Self Destruct

Before I self destruct

Take me under your wing

Lift me up to higher places

Yet, keep me firmly grounded

Before I self destruct

I pray for healing

The pain that is within

Mend what is broken

Before I self destruct

I take time to meditate

To allow the forces of the universe

 Provide me with clarity and guidance

Before I self destruct

Examining my life

The good and the bad

The gifts and lessons of the Creator

Before I self destruct

Let go of the past and future

Live in the moment

Not looking back

Before I self destruct

Help me to remember who I am

What my purpose is

And follow my destiny

Before I self destruct

I forgive myself, and rebalance

Awareness, Love, Mental health, poem, Poetic Justice, poetry, Self care, Self realization, Strength, Uncategorized, Wellbeing, Writing

The Losing Battle

No matter how much of a warrior you are or how many battles you have won, there will be some that you lose. You don’t have to be a soldier to have to go to war. Sometimes that war is within.

It’s easy to fight for something you want, its not so easy to keep it. There are outside influences that can disrupt your whole being. These are losing battles. No matter how much you try to win, the loss or sacrifice is always greater.

Some people or things are not worth fighting for, you have to recognise this otherwise you will be constantly at war with them and with yourself.

When you truly live in a state of self love it is difficult to allow people to bring negativity into your being. Self love requires discipline. Discipline to not accept anyone or anything that doesn’t bring joy to your life. This can leave you with the feeling that this is a losing battle, because you may really want to be a good person to everyone, but sometimes its just not worth the effort.

In order to be great you have to do great things. Leave the rest that jeopardizes your greatness. When you are in your greatness people will gravitate towards you, simply because that is what they want for themselves. Its a beautiful place to be when you surround yourself with greatness and great people. This space is so inspiring and you should be grateful to have such comfort in you life.

I am not saying to cut everyone out of your life that doesn’t bring you peace, just know how to pick and choose your battles. Sometimes it is necessary for you to battle for people who are not strong yet, and need your strength to get them to the next level. Although, helping others may feel like a loosing battle, these are the wars worth fighting for. Stepping back and pushing someone from behind to move forward is not a losing battle, its a win! You are wining and they are winning…. We are both wining; everyone gains!

Life will always be challenging and will always bring you discomfort, but, know that in these spaces that you grow emotionally and spiritually. Every time you lose a battle you are becoming more stronger and wiser! You are wining the losing battle…

 

Awareness, Love, Mental health, Native, poetry, PTSD, Uncategorized, Wellbeing, women, Writing

Silent She Sits

The morning sun breaks through the darkness of night. She wakens, opens her eyes to a beautiful view of the city line. She walks over to the window and thinks to herself its going to be a beautiful day and thanks the Creator for allowing her to live another day.

The morning goes great she has her coffee and smoke; thinks to herself all the things that she is going to do to change the world. She has big goals and she is chasing her dreams.

She wants to write, many books she says. But there is not enough time in the day. She starts the day with a smudge to clear her mind.

She sits and stares into nothing you would think she is thinking of something but she is not. She is standing still in time, not knowing that the time is passing by.

Silent she sits.

She no longer thinks of the past or at least tries not to, but, something is holding her back. A force that is stronger than any goal or dream she has ever had.

If you ask anyone she is the type of person who makes things happen. She has a fire inside her that is fierce. A heart that shows compassion and when both are at one she moves mountains.

Silent she sits

She moves from not thinking to thinking about a million things at once. Doubt starts to sink in and this is wear all the trouble begins.

All her strength becomes saturated  with fear. She has nothing to fear but herself. She knows this but she is to caught up in her mind to let her heart tell her different.

She becomes withdrawn, spends time alone and never talks about the things that matter. She doesn’t want you to see the pain she feels inside, and it would be highly unlikely she would ever let you close enough to her to know the difference.

There are many sides to her, even herself has not figured them all out quite yet. She has come so far and knows this to be the truth. That fear is not real; it’s just her imagination

Silent she sits.

While all this is going on, the world is passing her by. Her dreams are slipping though her fingers and falling to the floor. Her thoughts have become puddles of tears.

She dries her eyes and pushes on the day. Thinks to herself what has just happened. She just spent the whole morning crying over spilt milk. She screams in silence because silent she sits…

Hoping all this will one day go away.

 

 

 

 

Collective, Essay, Mental health, Self realization, Uncategorized, Wellbeing, Writing

A Beautiful Mind

People have been profoundly affected by great works of art. Maybe it was a book, movie, photograph, drawing or painting, a song or musical composition. A movie has had a powerful impact on me. The movie is called A Beautiful Mind. This movie has affected me because even though he suffered from mental illness he was able to triumph in his career. Also how he was able to find peace and love in his life.

A Beautiful mind is based on a true story of John Forbes Nash Jr. John. He was a mathematical genius of the 1950’s, who throughout his life made ground breaking theories that amazed the greatest scholar’s of his time. This movie also tells the story of John’s life long battle with schizophrenia. It tells the tale of his struggle with his mental illness and how he miraculously was able to conquer his disability and win the Noble peace prize in 1994. It also shows the effects his mental illness had on his loved ones. It was clearly challenging and somewhat confusing to John’s wife. Instead of walking away she supported him, helped him overcome his illness by showing him that love is real, not his delusions, they were only imagined. With many years of psychiatric therapy, and loving support from his wife. John was able to return to work at Princeton University and become a well respected professor. This movie has been an inspiration to me.

This movie had a powerful impact on me in more ways than one. I too have suffered from mental illness for many years. Struggled with symptoms, treatments, as well as the isolation that a person with a mental illness experiences. I have also witnessed the effects it has on loved ones. Most importantly, like John I have had to go through therapy to have an understanding of my illness to face the stigma that is associated with being labeled. I have been able to not let my illness define me, and not let it hold me back from being a productive member of society. My illness is different than John’s, its Borderline Personality Disorder. I have had to put my aspirations on hold and take a break to heal. Learn how to cope with symptoms in a healthy way, and to regain the confidence to continue on with my life and family.

John’s wife did not give up on him in spite of all the traumatic experiences she has seen John go through. “I need to know that something extraordinary is possible”. This statement was made by John’s wife when she was just about ready to give up. The love they had for each other had to be stronger in order to conquer his illness. This showed how unconditional love triumphs over any obstacle.

Watching this movie again, after seeing it many years ago I could relate more so to John’s life. How, I too, struggled for quite some time until I was diagnosed in my late 30’s. How the last few years have been hard as well as rewarding, and to see the positive effects therapy has allowed me to progress. The fears I overcame, and how much my loved ones have been there for me. I think the movie was a great work of art not only because of the actors/actresses but because how remarkable John Forbes Nash Jr. was in his life.